days

Lol…. Posts over d past dew days…..
5/3
I wonder about my life…….

Even now I have to use word to write out my blog entries, then wait for an opportunity to paste it into my blog…

This is weird… my life at last is starting to feel normal, then I walk home everyday and am reminded…. I will never ever gain freedom like everyone else.

I really wish to have a chance to work outside, to have a chance to go to a polytechnic course…. But all this is too late…. Jae results have come out…. I doubt there is a system for jc students to appeal to poly.

I will have to make the most out of what I have again….. which is not much. Now my mom is freely cutting my internet whenever she wants…. Believeing she has the full rights to restrict me. She insist that she has total control, that I do not need to email my friends…. Technically I m using msn messenger…. But I don’t dare tell her

She has lost her mind…. All I can do is try treat her as a normal person…. But its getting harder just to listen to her….. no parent has the right to insult their child…. I have to grin and bear with it……

I am not a machine to churn out good results, I am not a person who can live on books alone….. I am a person….. I need friends and family too….. and I never had parents who truly love me….. it hurts…… but again I have to make the most of it……

I still have no idea why I am going on….. all I can do is hope that someday all this will change……

6/3
Well… life goes on……

I at least was smiling d whole of today…. Lol….

Fell flat on my face during an orientation game…. But otherwise I m feeling v.ok…. but our groupings should be dissolved in 4days

At least my problems are not really that major……

I am sort of getting wake up calls….. people from my church telling me that I seem dead quiet… almost angry….. and a friend just told me that being positive means u have a positive environment… well…. I am listening….. some new day is approaching.

Haha…. I am sort of getting used to the fact my mom is crazy…. She just claimed that I will get sick by staying up after 10pm again. What can I expect… she does not even in her wildest dreams imagine that she is driving me to my grave…. Literally…. I keep falling sick from all that pressure she gives… to study to work hard…. Always comparing me with 7-pointers in my church….. I know 我心不在焉…. But what can I do? This is my last line of defense before I run away from home…..

What do you consider destiny? Destiny is truly out of our hands…. Control is never something that belonged to us…. All we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us….

7/3
Wow….. today orientation was fun…. It was nice winning for a change…..

Haha… sigh…. This morning someone who reminded me of elanor came and sat near me to talk to our friend…..

YUP I KNOW I AM SUPPOSE TO BE TRYING TO GET OVER HER

Lol…. That gal really reminded me about elanor…. I dunno why I suddenly felt v.sad……. ah well…. The good news is that that means I don’t like another gal who’s probably gonna reject me anyway….. haha

YUP I KNOW I SOUND DEPRESSED…. GET USED TO IT APPEARANCES CAN BE DECIEVEING …… haha

Well…. That’s all I am gonna post for now……

truth is the most powerful weapon..... but it keeps stabbing us in the back